Friday, November 11, 2011
Baby Cocoons for sale and Veterans' Day
So these last few days I started watching some shows on Hulu and Jane Eyre while I croched. I am making hooded baby cocoons- I hope to be able to sell a few (I am selling them for $25). I think they are adorable. I want to do something productive while I am down. Cute Alex-use to be Chipman- wants one. I was delighted. It is a fun excuse to reconnect too!
The other night I dreamed we were in the neighborhood in Highland that use to be our ward when we lived there. I had taken Avi trick-or-treating. By the time we got to the end of part of the block I realized I had been foolish to get up. I could feel the baby was low-putting pressure on my cervix. The house at the end of the block belongs to a sweet couple with a severely handicapped daughter. In my dream, the daughter with a little bit higher functioning, but still greatly handicapped. I interacted a little bit with the girl, and I knew because I had gotten up, my baby was going to come early and be handicapped. I was trying to get someone to go back to where we had parked and get the truck, so I wouldn't have to walk/be up anymore. I felt foolish- that they would be thinking that I was being lazy not to get it myself, but more than foolish I felt scared- getting mad at myself for risking my baby by being up and feeling that pressure low- being so scared he was going to come that day.
Tomorrow we are week 24- viability. I was so nervous these last two days- what if we didn't make it? What if I loose him now? I sat up a little bit while I was playing with Avi- is that going to cause him to come?
A few years ago I was at Jennica's and we watched some episodes of "Grey's Anatomy". So this evening- I decided to try to watch the newest episode on Hulu. The intro talked about how we, society, say we "had a terrible day" so often- for maybe getting caught in a traffic jam or fighting with the boss.... then it shows a man coughing up blood, and the episode proceeds to be a very traumatic one, and ends by saying when something truly terrible happens, we are left wishing we only had to deal with the fight or the traffic jam. Okay, so my life is pretty great right now! It really is.
Let's see- I have a beautiful little girl, that I adore. I have not lost my baby. I have a husband that loves me- even if it is only distantly ;). My family and friends are alive and pretty healthy. I have a sister and her family to take care of me and my baby. Maybe tomorrow I will keep going, but right now I am feeling so tired! I am so blessed.