Sunday, September 18, 2011

One Week

It has been just over a week since Gunnar left. Well, about 24 more till he can hopefully come home for a week or two. Time passes slowly.
I just finished These is My Words. In it the main character's husband is in the army. She talks about how much she needs and wants him, home, but there is nothing she can do to convince to not go. In the few days I read it, I had a day I couldn't bear to read it. I felt I needed my Gunnar so badly. Thankfully I was able to skype with him, and by the end of the call I felt much better. My emotions and sanity are way too tied to communicating with that man! I felt so independent when I was single, I had no idea how dependent I would become as a wife. I claim it is Gunnar's fault for being a good husband, if he wasn't so good at being with us when he is home and being so sweet, maybe I wouldn't be as attached ;).
I can be proud of his service to our country, for following what he feels the Lord would have him do, for the goals of learning while he is there. I hope we both come away from this time apart more refined and better companions for each other. Though I feel like we make better companions together... but hopefully this will be an investment for our good, and hopefully in the future he will get a job that allows him to be home all the time.
Avi has been so busy. She does not want to be held in church or stores or have to sit in the cart- she wants to venture around and make friends. She defiantly does not have stranger anxiety. Today was the primary program. Avi was so sweet watching the children sing- for the few minutes she would pay attention. I look forward to the future when she will be up there, but I hope it doesn't happen too quickly.
I really love being her mother. I love her so much. There is no love like the love of your child. I wish I could describe it. The joy, the worry, the desires for her do well and choose the right, the adoration for her adorableness, the fear of loosing her or of her getting seriously harmed, worrying that I might be "messing her up" by the way I raise her- by not being consistent enough or by they way I choose to handle situations. The happiness her smile and laugh brings, the delight her little words and noises gives, and wonder as she learns new skills. I love holding her. I love her sweet little baby steps. She getting to try more and more. I think she will have walking down in the next month or two.

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